You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
