answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
