I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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