Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
