im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
