the new term for farting is butt boxing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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