Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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