Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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