Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
birth control should be required to get into college
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
