Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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