also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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