Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
