You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
