Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
