At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
