Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
