I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
