my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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