I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
