she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
whose parrot is this?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i now understand why vodka
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
