Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
