He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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