people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
