finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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