dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
