Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
