Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
