i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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