Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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