It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Randomize
