Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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