I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
