This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
