She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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