I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
