I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
