tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
