You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
