do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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