He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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