I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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