Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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