I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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