well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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