at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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