Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
