You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize