the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
