the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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