so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
