just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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