New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
