our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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