eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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