the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
