I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
