I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
