I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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