so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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