Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
