Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
