I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm passing your future prison.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
