I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
