do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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