so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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