I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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