Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
