I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hippo gnu deer
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize