The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
