Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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