Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
