i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
