the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
