my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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